Stop Panic Fight Against Corona

Worrying about all the news on the new coronavirus and the illness it causes? Well, that makes good sense. If you’re wondering how to cope with anxious feelings that are surfacing, this blog post can guide you through steps that may be helpful to many people.

If you often struggle with anxiety, worries about your health, or obsessive thoughts and actions

Steady yourself around worries about the new coronavirus

Knowing how to manage your own anxiety always takes a little thought. Ask and answer these questions:

• What typically happens to your body when worries mount?
• How worried are you?
• What do you fear the most?
• What usually helps you handle worries?

When anxiety rises because we’re facing a distressing threat like the new coronavirus, we need to focus on what tends to work for us to ease anxiety — that, plus doing a little bit more of some actions and a little bit less of others.

Keep these thoughts in mind. You’re fully prepared to help yourself. You can take steps to calm and steady yourself. Remember what works for you — because as fellow humans we’re not so dissimilar, but we do tend to have our own preferences and best practices.

Try doing these things more

• Connect with friends and loved ones through video chats, phone calls, texting, and email. It really helps to feel the strength of your connections to your friends and loved ones, even though you may not be with them in person.
• Stick with sources of credible medical information, so you can avoid misinformation about the virus and the illness it causes.

Try doing these things less

Please don’t overdose on hype or worry or misinformation. I get some regular updates from credible sources in the morning and check again briefly toward the end of the day. There’s no need to stay tuned in 24/7 — it can actually make your anxiety much, much worse.

Take practical steps to lessen risk of catching the new coronavirus

Three healthy, sensible steps we can all take:

• Avoid unnecessary travel and crowds.
• Wash your hands often with soap and water (or an alcohol-based hand sanitizer)
• Keep your hands away from your face, especially your eyes, mouth, and nose.

Many people infected by the coronavirus develop symptoms like a fever and dry cough during the incubation period. However, some people may not seem symptomatic. The virus can spread when an infected person coughs or sneezes. Viral droplets that travel several feet through the air may be breathed in or — much more likely — may land on surfaces that other people touch, such as a door handle or elevator button.

We do have to be careful and cautious. But once we adopt key precautionary measures, we can take a deep breath and do our best to calm ourselves. It’s not necessary or helpful to be on high alert all the time. This will wear you down emotionally and physically. So try to adjust your level of alertness to your immediate surroundings. Then once you come home, wash your hands really well and find ways to relax and feel safe. Safety is a basic need for all of us.

How can you relax despite coronavirus worries?

Here are some tried and true ways to relax:

• Yoga. Not a yoga person? No need to start now unless you’d like to try it. Sometimes trying new things and discovering new activities you can benefit from and enjoy can be a welcome, healthy distraction. Yoga Studio and Pocket Yoga are good apps to consider.
• Meditation. Regular meditation is very calming. Many apps teach simple forms of meditation, such as Headspace or Calm.
• Controlled breathing. One simple technique is called square breathing. Visualize your breath traveling along a square. As you follow the instructions to inhale, hold your breath, or exhale, count slowly to three on each side. Try it now. Inhale up the first side of the square. Slowly count one, two, three. Hold your breath across the top. One, two, three. Exhale down the other side of the square. One, two, three. Then hold your breath across the bottom. One, two, three. After a few minutes of this you should be feeling calmer and more centered.

Are you happy with life?

In our daily life we meet different kind of people , we read magazines , books or chatting on social media we face negative people and words or even our own ideas . Of course they hurt us .
So how can we change those negative things to a good power helps us to continue our life easily ?

• Well, first thing you must be clear minded and try to turn those things to action , for example ” if you think that you’re useless ” . Try to prove the opposite by writing on a piece of paper everything you can do well ” small or big ” . Then you should know that your mind wants you to be better so that’s why he sends you negative ideas just to encourage you to work on your skills more and more  .
• If you’re sensitive person , don’t listen to anyone complains about his life or work or anything because this is gonna reflect on your feeling .
• Be open minded by accepting any critics
• Don’t show your weak point no matter what they say
•  get rid of any word hurts you , write it on a paper then burn it or throw it on the trash .
• We all know how can words change our mood but we must try to be like a filter by keeping good words and throwing negative ones.

Stop Procrastinating

Anything that you want to achieve in life will require that you tolerate some discomfort. For example, if you want to run a marathon, you’ll need to get up early each morning to go for a run–or do some strength training–, even if you’re tired and would rather stay in bed. During long runs you’ll begin to get tired, but you have to push yourself through that discomfort and keep going.

 

Overestimating the Discomfort

Something else to be taken into consideration when it comes to procrastination is that most procrastinators overestimate how uncomfortable taking action will be for them.

• Choose an activity that you’ve been procrastinating on. For example, let’s suppose that you’ve been wanting to start an exercise program for some time now, but you keep putting it off.
• Now, think of how uncomfortable exercising will be for you, on a scale from 1 to 10 (where “1″ is mildly uncomfortable and “10″ is the equivalent of water boarding torture).
• After you’ve written down your prediction, do the task that you’ve been avoiding. In our example, you would go out for a twenty minute walk, or swim a few laps in the pool.

When you find yourself procrastinating on a task, Leahy recommends that you empower yourself by focusing on how good and how proud of yourself you’ll feel once you’ve completed the task, instead of focusing on the discomfort that you might feel while you’re working on the task. Think of the following:

• By focusing on the unpleasantness of the task, you’ll do anything you can to avoid it.
• By focusing on the positive effects of carrying out the action, you’ll get to it.

What am I good at ???

Are you someone who has often grappled with the question – ‘What am I good at?’ or rather wondered, ‘Am I good at anything at all!’; then this blogpost on ‘How to find your passion’ is for you. And if you are one of those lucky souls who have always known what to do with their lives, I am sure you know ample people who are still struggling. Pass it on to them.

In this post, I am going to be breaking down the process of identifying your passion, finding something you are very good at, step by step. I know passion is a matter of heart but I am going to deal with it scientifically. Because, we all want logic at the end of the day. It is a slightly long post because no one ever is likely to find his passion through a FB kind of post. Read it deep and I commit you something huge for your own-self.

In the previous few years, I met so many sulkers & cribbers- people who are doing well in their jobs, careers but still deeply fatigued & vacuous. They do not have the guts to change their current situations. For, one cannot be free until one cuts one’s addiction to Money/ Power.

Then I also met this IITian who is now a Mountaineer and a travel blogger. Met an orthopaedic doctor who is a famous wedding photographer now, my best friend- formerly a Top CEO is now a Kriya Yogi, a housewife who at 50 started professional Skiing, an IPS officer who sought retirement at 45 to pursue Astrology full time, a CA who after 15 years of normal, boring practise became a very famous Wealth Manager i.e. PMS Expert (I saw his interview the other day on CNBC). Money / Power is important for these guys but they did not want to spend their entire lives working for them.

See- there is no age or time to find your passion.

My point being, before I even begin to decode one of the biggest mysteries of our lives, ‘how to find your passion’, I want you guys to understand that there is no deadline here. So keep your FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) aside. This constant need to run an imaginary race (creating Billers & keeping on paying them out) is probably stressing you out more than your own confusion about your passion is. It’s okay if you are taking more time. There is no actual deadline here. Your timing may not be God’s timing. His is better

There are ample examples of people who found their true calling later in their lives, or found success after years of struggle. For e.g., the character of Professor Snape, the infamous Potions master from the Potter world, came to Alan Rickman much later in his life. In fact, he made his Hollywood debut with Die Hard at the age of 46! Look closer to home. Boman Irani, the famous Virus from 3 idiots, did not start his mainstream Bollywood career till he was 44. People in 40s – redemption is close by!

If you think your struggle to find what you are good at has become hell, here’s a thought –

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” My own addition to it – you don’t want to remain stuck in Hell do you? The best thing is to get out! So, keep going. Confusion is the beginning of Clarity. If you are confused, weary and bored today- it is a great state to be in. Anyone who has achieved anything ever has gone through the CONFUSION path. But then he kept walking, finding answers and growing his guts to implement those answers.

So here’s breaking down your search for your hidden talent, your passion, or what you are good at. A word of caution though – I can only help with the direction, the process. It’s subjective in nature and how you interpret, analyse, decode, and utilize it – is totally up to you. I am attempting to light a lamp here. Its brightness and quality of light will differ according to the sum total of what your life’s been so far.

1. MUSIC vs. INSTRUMENT

You MUST understand this very important concept. For this- I urge you to please read the very first blogpost I ever wrote:

The first step to identifying your passion would be to know ‘what is NOT your passion’. Elimination makes it more Easy e.g. I always knew that doing a Job can never be my passion.

Trust me; becoming a Motivational Speaker also was never my first career choice. It was some 7^th career that I was trying. From wanting to be an Air-Force officer (because i then believed that women love men in uniform) to attempting MBBS Entrance exams (because all in family were doctors) to studying Fashion to running a discotheque at a place of spiritual interest to many other more- I have had more variegated Careers in my life than relationships.

In 90s, I thought I was creative and wrote the NIFT Entrance. I joined NIFT, Delhi for PG Fashion studies because I had cleared the test (no other reason or passion). To use the common phrase, ‘I sucked at it’! I had zero idea and affinity for designing or stitching clothes. Zilch. NADA. Though, it was an experience of a lifetime. (I have touched upon this briefly in my latest video: )

Then I went on to start a discotheque called ‘Xcite’ in my hometown, McLeodganj, Dharamshala. I still don’t know what I was thinking. Probably just channelizing my creativity through the wrong avenue again. That’s what MUSIC and INSTRUMENT are about. Creativity was and is my MUSIC. But I was playing with the wrong instruments all these years.

The point I am making here is – you will be attracted to many things which you will feel you are good at. For e.g. a creative person gifted with the arts could feel a pull towards various outlets like painting, digital art, design, graphics, illustrations, teaching art, selling art, artist management etc. Not all of them could be his passion. This understanding of MUSIC and INSTRUMENT will come in handy when you have options to eliminate or vet.

2. So, what’s YOUR favourite MUSIC?

I have met many people, who at some point or the other – felt that they are really average. Mediocre to the hilt with no good options in their lives. They think their education is average, their college is stupid, their parents don’t understand them, their friends are useless, their relatives are a torture, and even their OLA-Share co-passengers are never cute and so on.

If you are one from this tribe, I am going to say it to your face – the fault is somewhere in you, not your stars. When the music was being played around you, you were probably too buried in matters that didn’t matter, or your cell phone. Millennials please!

Anyway, how to remedy that now?Here is something I suggest you to try –

– Make a list of everything that interests you, that you have enjoyed doing over the years. It could be anything – reading, writing, art, studying, performing, speaking, cooking, travelling, creating new things, helping others… Basically, WHATEVER comes to your mind.

– Really dig deep too. For e.g. if you liked any of your school or Under-Grads or your PG, what is the subject you liked, which aspects of studying appealed to you more, what did you feel while delving deep into that subject etc. e.g. I still recall my school days where-in my favourite subject was English.

– If you are one of those who absolutely hated college and disliked everything you did in those 3-4 yrs, then make a list of whatever you think you are even remotely good at or are / were fond of outside college. As Ayn Rand wrote in Fountainhead- ‘Real Education begins beyond the Four Walls of College’. During my NIFT years, I hated subjects but loved meeting & observing new people, their lives, their issues, affairs, emotions & break-ups. So, not Fashion but I became a better student of life and living better. Even 3-4 years after I passed out of NIFT, I was doing and learning some crazy things. Today, in my Events- I am able to connect some of those dots.

This list which you make is your compendium. It is how we are going to find out what you are passionate about! Sounds good so far?

Before we move ahead in our quest, I want to you to do one process of elimination right here. If you want to cross out anything from the list right away, just do that.

3. Some good old RESEARCH

It’s not easy. But let’s be patient.

Now that you have a list, find out everything you can about making a career in those shortlisted fields. Get your ass off your pity couch and do some hard research. Find out the various career options that each of them provide, the opportunity to make money in those fields (even if that’s not your priority), the requisite skills you need to succeed in those fields, any other requirements, whatever you can. And pls do not blindly trust Google. It ranks anyone because he had a better SEO done for its webpage. Go deep. Talk to people in those places, who are doing that stuff.

Give your heart all the information. The brain will give you the right answer. This research and knowledge is important because it will be the cornerstone of your road ahead.

Researching definitely about the monetary aspects of your favourite things because money might be incidental but you still gotta pay the bills! Besides, if money were never a concern and only passion was, most engineering boys who loved watching the blue stuff would become rich by being locked up in their bathrooms. The only people who make money out of the porn business, are well, the businessmen

Family Trap: – I read so many emails from people about unsupportive parents or spouses. Answer this for me – WHY should they be so easily convinced of your dream if you have not given them any reason to do so? Till the time you show genuine conviction, know-how, talent, some good results, why would anyone believe you! Your sense of direction and belief in your path will convince others.

More importantly – WHY WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO BELIEVE YOU?

Let their disbelief fuel you more, egg you on to find some good results, test your theories out in the market. You should be thankful for the disbelief of your parents/ spouse. They are your strongest well-wishers. No one wants you to succeed in life as badly as they do. If you have to work a little hard to show them some results before they bless you, because they just want to be sure you are strong and skilled and fortified enough to do this – I think it’s FAIR ENOUGH.

4. Match the following!

Now that you are armed with knowledge in your arsenal, you do some good old ranking.

I told you this is going to be a nerdy process! Rank the options on the list according to what appeals you the most. Your research might change the way you look at some of the options and that’s fine. That was the whole idea behind it.

Next you match those requisite skills with the know-how you have. Research is a great way to find GAPS. Use this research to find gaps between where you are now and where you want to go. Ask yourself these questions –

– What skills do you lack that can get you there?
– Can you develop them on your own or do you need training?
– Can someone else lend you that skill? (Other people’s talent and time)
– Where will you find such people?

These are very important questions! Do not trudge on them lightly or pass through them breezily. Matching your current AUKAAT with your future genius is crucial to answering, “how to find your passion & create a super career out of it”. And if all this seems like too much work, let me remind you that if you want to become a genius in life in whatever passion you have, you should know that –

Even those who know what they want to do with their lives – do not have their work cut out. They have to PLAN & then perspire equally to get there. As warren Buffet said it so beautifully-

‘An IDIOT with a PLAN can BEAT a GENIUS without a PLAN’.

For e.g. Realizing that I wanted to be a Motivational Speaker was not enough. I dreamed big. While my communication skills were never a problem, I knew nothing much about business, entrepreneurship, marketing, technology etc. Why would I need any of these skills, one may ask. Let me break it down for you –

I dreamed big so my outreach had to be big. In the age of the internet, my research told me quite early that I needed a website, a Blog and a huge social media to tell people about who I am, and what I do. I needed to create content around my area of expertise and I needed to ‘sell’ it to potential clients (for the lack of a better word), I needed to constantly write, market myself, build a brand, stay fit to endure all the traveling, keep reading to remain updated, and look good too while I do all this

Trust me – this takes a village. It’s not a one person job. Thankfully, as I identified the set of skills that were needed, and I started taking steps to acquire them, life kept sending me friends who were armed with these skills and were always there to help me out. As long as I was convinced, I found help every time I needed!

You will too. Just keep going. Remember THIS- ‘You keep your FORCE for your GOAL right and the right people will automatically get drawn into your Life to help you achieve that’. This is like an amazing, no-where written Rule. Try it out.

5. Testing the waters, in the Market

I know even after all this, many of you might still be confused about which one to pick from the list. So here’s the final trick up my arsenal.

Firstly a very Strong Caveat:- Beware of the Passion Trap. What is Passion Trap exactly? Just because you think, you are good at something doesn’t mean that you actually would be good at that thing. It just could be your erroneous gut feeling e.g. I met this brilliant guy last year who was so keen to give up his high paying investment banking job for the love of his photography. And when I saw his work- it was very below average. So, who answers if your passion is your imagination trap or a genuinely sharp skill which can be transformed into something colossal? Answer- only market will answer you right, no one else will.

Let’s again get back to your list. You have your choices ranked according to your preference and priorities. Now rank them according to your abilities. We tried matching the passion with the current skill level. Now take a look at those gaps and TEST IT OUT IN THE MARKET.

By this I mean –out of your options, if you have managed to find something you like, you test it out in the real world.

See closely if the market is rewarding you with money or fame for your skill. I understand it might take some time but that’s okay. Invest in the process NOW if you don’t want bad returns later. The risk is high either ways.

What I want you to NOT DO, while you test your talents in the market is – trust the word of your friends and family. They will not always know the technicalities of your work, or they will be too kind in their opinion. If you have ever needed honest feedback in your life – IT IS NOW. Actively look for people who are good in the field, people who have been rewarded by the market, and usually know what they are talking about.

For e.g. just being good at English or communication is not enough to become a Motivational Speaker. Simply being able to cheer up your sad family member of friend does NOT mean you can inspire a room or auditorium full of unknown people too. Test it out in the market. Spend some time developing your skills and building your network and see if the market rewards you with money and more work. If it does, there might be scope after all. At least, that’s what I did. I did not take the word of aunties from my mom’s kitty parties that I was funny and good with words. I have tested it repeatedly over the years and solidified it with training and hard work.

Knowing your passion is one thing. Becoming exceptional at it is another. The former is just one step, the first step. One can’t discount the importance of the 999 steps of honing your craft that come after you have realized your passion or identified your craft. Only after taking 1000+ Events in last 18+ years, did I realize- ‘how actually to conduct a REAL, GOOD Event’.

Here’s another word of cautionary Advice –

As I write this, I am greatly reminded of the Ranbir Kapoor-Deepika Padukone movie ‘Tamasha’. It is one of Imtiaz Ali’s finest works, and one of my absolute favourites. A highly underrated movie, among the many overrated ones. A Ved cannot make this journey alone, especially when he has given up on his dreams. The process of following one’s passion can often be difficult, demanding, and confusing.

In times like these, you need a Tara in your life, not necessarily someone you get to kiss, but someone who believes in you when you don’t. Tara could be your Mentor who has seen your field of passion more closely well than you. Your Tara also could be a pot-bellied, bald Uncle type man too and not necessarily someone with a short skirt :). Having a Mentor friend (who already is successful in your chosen domain super helps). You’ll need skills to convince him / her to not only guide help you but also keep on doing the same for long term. I am doing the same to some 5 people currently (house full

).

What I mean is – you are NOT alone in this journey, this quest. If you find it daunting, that’s okay. There will always be someone who believes in you. If you find your Tara, great! If not, try to be your own, as much as you can.

I know a lot of people give unsolicited advice, “Do what you Love”, “One Life! Don’t waste it living someone else’s life”, and other blah things. I am guilty of it too. This post was an attempt to show you the hard work that goes behind finally becoming what you love. Clarity will never ever come to you. You yourself will need to move your ass and go to it. It is all about making a few CLEAR, COMMITTED DECISIONS and then having the patience to see them through.

Hope this post really helps you figure out the directions you want to move in.

As Albert Einstein said- “I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.”

Get going buddy! It would take a few wrong decisions & thence further revisions to reach THAT place. And trust you me, THAT place only is THE place. Rest are all parking arrangements. One Life!

Work life management

1. Let go of perfectionism

A lot of overachievers develop perfectionist tendencies at a young age when demands on their time are limited to school, hobbies and maybe an after-school job. It’s easier to maintain that perfectionist habit as a kid, but as you grow up, life gets more complicated. As you climb the ladder at work and as your family grows, your responsibilities mushroom. Perfectionism becomes out of reach, and if that habit is left unchecked, it can become destructive, says executive coach Marilyn Puder-York, PhD, who wrote The Office Survival Guide.

The key to avoid burning out is to let go of perfectionism, says Puder-York. “As life gets more expanded it’s very hard, both neurologically and psychologically, to keep that habit of perfection going,” she says, adding that the healthier option is to strive not for perfection, but for excellence.

2. Unplug

From telecommuting to programs that make work easier, technology has helped our lives in many ways. But it has also created expectations of constant accessibility. The work day never seems to end. “There are times when you should just shut your phone off and enjoy the moment,” says Robert Brooks, a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and co-author of The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence and Personal Strength in Your Life. Brooks says that phone notifications interrupt your off time and inject an undercurrent of stress in your system. So don’t text at your kid’s soccer game and don’t send work emails while you’re hanging out with family, Brooks advises. Make quality time true quality time. By not reacting to the updates from work, you will developing a stronger habit of resilience. “Resilient people feel a greater sense of control over their lives,” says Brooks, while reactive people have less control and are more prone to stress.

3. Exercise and meditate

Even when we’re busy, we make time for the crucial things in life. We eat. We go to the bathroom. We sleep. And yet one of our most crucial needs – exercise – is often the first thing to go when our calendars fill up. Exercise is an effective stress reducer. It pumps feel-good endorphins through your body. It helps lift your mood and can even serve a one-two punch by also putting you in a meditative state, according to the Mayo Clinic.

These exercises require minor effort but offer major payoffs. Psychotherapist Bryan Robinson, who is also professor emeritus at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte and author of the book Chained to the Desk, explains that our autonomic nervous system includes two branches: the sympathetic nervous system (our body’s stress response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (our body’s rest and digest response). “The key is to find something that you can build into your life that will activate your parasympathetic nervous system,” says Robinson. Short, meditative exercises like deep breathing or grounding your senses in your present surroundings, are great places to start. The more you do these, the more you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which “calms everything down, (and) not just in the moment,” says Robinson. “Over time you start to notice that in your life, your parasympathetic nervous system will start to trump your sympathetic nervous system.”

4. Limit time-wasting activities and people

First, identify what’s most important in your life. This list will differ for everyone, so make sure it truly reflects your priorities, not someone else’s. Next, draw firm boundaries so you can devote quality time to these high-priority people and activities.

From there, it will be easier to determine what needs to be trimmed from the schedule. If email or internet surfing sends you into a time-wasting spiral, establish rules to keep you on task. That may mean turning off email notifications and replying in batches during limited times each day. If you’re mindlessly surfing Facebook or cat blogs when you should be getting work done, try using productivity software like Freedom, LeechBlock or RescueTime. And if you find your time being gobbled up by less constructive people, find ways to diplomatically limit these interactions. Cornered every morning by the office chatterbox? Politely excuse yourself. Drinks with the work gang the night before a busy, important day? Bow out and get a good night sleep. Focus on the people and activities that reward you the most.

To some, this may seem selfish. “But it isn’t selfish,” says Robinson. “It’s that whole airplane metaphor. If you have a child, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first, not on the child.” When it comes to being a good friend, spouse, parent or worker, “the better you are yourself, the better you are going to be in all those areas as well.”

5. Change the structure of your life

Sometimes we fall into a rut and assume our habits are set in stone. Take a birds-eye view of your life and ask yourself: What changes could make life easier? 

So instead of trying to do it all, focus on activities you specialize in and value most. Delegate or outsource everything else. Delegating can be a win-win situation, says Stewart Freidman, a management professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School and author of Leading the Life You Want: Skills for Integrating Work and Life. Freidman recommends talking to the “key stakeholders” in different areas of your life, which could include employees or colleagues at work, a spouse or a partner in a community project. “Find out what you can do to let go in ways that benefit other people by giving them opportunities to grow,” he says. This will give them a chance to learn something new and free you up so you may devote attention to your higher priorities.

6. Start small. Build from there.

We’ve all been there: crash diets that fizzle out, New Year’s resolutions we forget by February. It’s the same with work-life balance when we take on too much too quickly, says Brooks. Many of his workaholic clients commit to drastic changes: cutting their hours from 80 hours a week to 40, bumping up their daily run from zero miles a day to five miles a day. It’s a recipe for failure, says Brooks. When one client, who was always absent from his family dinners, vowed to begin attending the meals nightly, Brooks urged him to start smaller. So he began with one evening a week. Eventually, he worked his way up to two to three dinners per week.

If thoughts are audible to peoples

Happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts”. But the cold reality of life is that neither everyone is happy, nor their thoughts sail in the same boat. So if one day with God’s grace, thoughts of people became audible to others then it will result into a catastrophic event. As we all know, human brain is composed of 100 billion never cells, interconnected by trillions of connections. Thus, it results into explosion of thoughts. Given the complexity of what is happening inside our head, it is difficult to trace a thought from beginning to end. Therefore, the situation will be chaotic. But let’s presume that the thoughts are clear and audible, then it will be a game changer for the entire human race!

It is correctly said that human brain is biased towards negative thoughts drastically more than the positive thoughts. For many, in the flight of thoughts the only passengers are of aversion and loathe. So once these thoughts are audible to everyone, it will bring in a wave “full of dejection” which might result into health disorders. Consequently, the world will be in a state of agony.

But we all know, for every force there’s a counter force. Therefore, if we cannot stop the wave of dejection, we must learn to surf to bring in joy. To avoid the feeling of pain and sorrow, people will eventually start thinking positive. People will be pure than ever before, resulting into an era where the most significant thing was missing i.e. “TRUST”.

Broadly, countries won’t fight with each other as now there will be no term left to be called as “Hidden Agenda”. Women will be much safer as now they’ll be able to proactively anticipate the future, basis the present thoughts going on in today’s male chauvinist society; where rape, domestic violence, acid attacks are as common as burglary, terrorist attack, kidnapping and murder. No mother will let his son become a terrorist as the thought of becoming a one can be curbed in the budding phase itself. The word “Corruption” will become history and then people can work upon serious issues like eradicating poverty, improving environmental sustainability, food security and elevating education system.

WHY CHEER MORE?

Positivity is one of the three requirements of all healthy friendships. And it’s the one that we can easily add into ANY friendship! Celebrating someone else always helps our friends feel seen, valued, and accepted. Healthy friendships are built on adding positivity to our lives so we are happier and healthier when we increase our laughter, gratitude, affirmation, and joy with others; and we enhance our bond with them as we each practice shining and sharing our successes.

WHAT SHOULD WE BE CHEERING?

·      Asking for a raise

·      Returning from the trip of a lifetime

·      Signing our first lease

·      Breaking up with that relationship

·      Saying yes even when scared

·      Pitching that new idea

·      Losing those 10 Rs

·      Adopting our first pet

·      Making that big purchase

·      Applying for our new business license

·      Signing up for our first marathon

·      Making that consequential decision

·      Getting the tattoo

·      Breaking the bad habit

FUN WAYS TO CHEER!

1.     Toast Every Time: Whenever you’re with your girlfriends go around the table and invite each person to share one thing they’ve done recently that they are proud of—whether it was making a big decision, closing a deal at work, or finally having that tough conversation. Toast each person after their share!

2.    Invite an Impromptu Celebration: When something happens in your life that matters consider planning an impromptu party to share the joy with your friends! Text a quick invitation, “Oh my word! I did it!  My hands are still shaking but I just typed the last word on my new business proposal! And I want to celebrate reaching this milestone with the friends who encouraged me to take this step. Any of you up for Chinese Take-Out on me tonight?”

3.    Share Group Goals: Next time you’re out with your friends, encourage each one to share one thing they want to try in the next 90 days and then plan a date together to tell stories and celebrate!

4.   Plan for Big Moments: Gone are the days where we need someone else to host our parties—we can throw on our own! Do you have a big milestone approaching, whether it be a birthday or an accomplished goal? Rather than risk this special moment not being celebrated in style, send out the invitations now: “Well, I think all of you know that I’ve decided to run my first marathon this year, which is a big deal for a former couch potato like me! J So to give me something to look forward to, I’m planning a big pizza party the day after my marathon to celebrate the accomplishment of this goal (and to replace the calories I burned the day before! Ha!) and I’d love for you to be there as this may be the biggest thing I do this year so I may as well celebrate it with friends I love! The details are…”

Who is one friend who is doing something you want to make sure you cheer loudly for? What might you do to help her feel celebrated??

Things to Do on Days When You Just Want to Give Up

 

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Some days are light and filled with inspiration. Some days are simply routine.

And on some days you may think to yourself: “I give up”.

You may feel like just giving up on…

• Your new habit of working out or eating healthier.
• Your own small business or blog because you haven’t had the results you expected or wanted.
• Truly feeling better about yourself.
• Dating because you can’t seem to find the right person or maybe even have a good date at all.

Winding up in such situations is a normal part of making positive changes in life.

But what you do when you feel like giving up will determine a lot about where your life will go.

In today’s article I’d like to share 10 things that have helped me to hold on or to change direction on those difficult days.

1. Tap into realistic expectations.

This one has been very important to me.

Tap into realistic expectations not by listening to advertising that promises you quick results. Not by listening to the perfectionism – from the people around you or yourself – that allows no mistakes or failures.

Tap into it by listening to the people who have already gone where you want to go.

Listen to the people who know what works and how you will stumble and fail along the way and can tell you how long your journey may take.

You’ll probably not get an exact blueprint. But the things people can tell you in person or via books and blogs can be a great guidance.

2. Remind yourself why you are doing this.

It’s easy to lose the big picture in the busy everyday life.

But if you feel like giving up then try reconnecting with why you are doing what you are doing.

Maybe it is to:

• Support and keep your family safe.
• Live healthier and longer so you get to watch your kids grow up.
• See the world and explore new things.

Write your answers down.

Then, whenever you feel like giving up pull out that piece of paper with your most powerful why(s). It often helps.

3. Remember: It’s darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on when things have felt very difficult and I felt like giving up and going home. Because I have found it to be true.

Probably quite often because being at that low point forced me to change something in how I did things.

But maybe also because life seems to have some kind of balance if I just keep going. If I just keep taking action instead of giving up and doing nothing then something good always happens.

Seeing this repeat itself strengthened my belief in taking action and to keep going even on rough days or weeks.

And it brings some comfort even when things look pretty dark.

4. Reconnect with the basics.

When I have run into a plateau or a longer rough patch then one thing that has often helped is to simplify and reconnect with the basics.

It is easy to become overwhelmed by all the information out there about any change you can make in life.

That can lead to confusion and to trying to do too many things at once.

In those situations it has been helpful for me to simplify.

To just focus on a few or one of the things I have learned that are the basic fundamentals in this area of life. To improve my social skills those things were, for example, to keep a positive attitude .

5. Learn more and course-correct. 

Reconnecting with the basics often works well. But sometimes during a rough patch or when I feel stuck it has been helpful to change my course slightly instead.

To examine how I do things, what results they bring in and to compare it to how people who have gone before me have done things.

To be honest with myself and admit that maybe one or two things or small parts of that I am doing are not working so well.

And to replace those things for a while – based on what others have done in the past – and see if that works better.

Even if it means that I have to get out of my comfort zone.

6. Tell yourself: Just for today!

I say to myself: Just for today I will XX!

Replace XX with what you will do just for today such as getting exercise, getting going with the most important task first thing in the day or eating a healthy lunch.

By telling myself that I only have to do it today I get two big benefits:

• I release the mental burden of the past times I did it and future times when I will do it. And so the task becomes much lighter and the inner resistance melts away.
• It also reminds me that the period that I am investing in changing a habit is not the rest of my life. After 30 days or so the habit will mostly be automatic so it is not something I have to do on willpower for the next few years or decades.

And guess what, when tomorrow comes I’ll probably have a good day again with less resistance and I will most likely feel like doing the task again.

7. Connect with the people around you to let it out (and to reload your motivation).

I’ve found that when the hurdles seem  I don’t have the energy to tackle another obstacle then one thing that can help a ton is to just open up about it.

To talk to my MOM, a friend or my parents about it. To vent, to figure things out for myself as the other person listens. And to get some level-headed and experience-based advice when I need it.

This rebuilt my energy and motivation.

8. Look back and celebrate how far you’ve come.

When you feel like giving up and you’re overwhelmed and tired then it’s easy to lose perspective on what you’ve actually accomplished so far.

The things you’ve learned, the steps you’ve gotten to done and the obstacles you’ve overcome.

Reflect on those things when you feel like giving up. Appreciate and celebrate what you’ve done so far to move yourself towards your goal. Appreciate yourself for the effort you’ve put in.

This will help you to change your perspective to a more optimistic one once again and to find a new step you can take to keep moving forward.

9. Just cut yourself some slack and take a break.

Yes, it might feel like you just want to give up. But in my experience that may sometimes simply signal that you need a well-deserved break after you’ve put in too much work or tried to stick with a too optimistic time-plan.

So when that happens listen to your body and mind.

Take a few hours or days off. Rest, recuperate and forget all about the task, project or whatever you want to give up on during that time.

This can change how you feel in a remarkable way and recharge your batteries.

10. See if it’s time to quit and to try something else.

Sometimes it’s not time to give up. But it may be time to quit what you are doing and to try something else.

If you feel like giving up or you are bored a lot, if you feel no real passion or excitement or curiosity about a change or your current path then ask yourself these two questions:

• Am doing this because I truly want it?
• Or am I doing it because someone told me to or because so many people around me seem to have done it or are working on it?

Stop OverThinking

Before you begin reading this, I have a confession to make. I may have indulged in some overthinking before writing this article. I always do, for all my blog posts. And then I fight it. So that’s what this blogpost is about: How to Stop Overthinking & finding ways that actually work. Because let’s face it – sending the brain on a hyperactive overdrive in the wrong direction never helped anyone.

You know what makes spies so good at what they do? They are trained to observe. And they observe mostly by keeping their wits together and not losing it in the face of pressure. Our observation and understanding skills are heightened when our heartbeat is calm. Our brains can then focus on important issues with the military kind of a precision (without the thought attacks).

Overthinking and worrying exist, multiply & cement as a habit -because you re-affirm them to your own mind regularly (like in a loop). And then finally they distract you from all the better possibilities by keeping you too focused on the worst case scenarios.

Here, I am not talking about parents worrying for their little girls in India because their worries are legit. That is the kind of country we are and the way we have raised our boys. And neither am I talking about the people who have acute anxiety problems and need medical attention. Anxiety is as real a disease as heart problems, often a cause.

But there is still a chance for many of us, who can keep their overthinking & always worrying brain in check. Here it is – How to stop overthinking: 6 solutions that actually work:-

Meditation

 

A quiet mind is able to hear intuition over fear.

Our mind doesn’t like going all gaga over the worst case scenarios. It needs to be trained to not jump to conclusions. It needs to be trained to stop running off in the wrong direction with the wrong co-runners (worries and fears) and it needs to be trained to calmly deactivate myths and look at reason. Meditation is one of the best ways to do it. Because it gives our brain the room to operate logically by training it in the act of one-pointedness. Those who find even an iota of success in meditation; find their ability to not over-think grow manifold.

Forcibly find Real Work & Get consumed into it

Idle mind is devil’s workshop. When you lose focus, your mind tends to fix on what could be wrong with your life instead of what’s right. So,

Ironically, jobs are actually easier to enjoy than free time, because like flow activities they have built in Goals, feedback rules and challenges , all of which encourage one to become involved in one’s work, to concentrate and lose oneself in it. Free time, on the other hand, is unstructured, and requires much greater effort to be shaped into something that can be enjoyed. If there is ONE huge learning that I recently had (looking into the lives of my relatives & friends); then that is:-

THOSE who are FREE in Life – Have the maximum Issues / Problems. Unknowingly- they also unsettle the closest people in their lives.

THOSE who are Semi-Busy in Life – definitely have some (but fewer) problems. Usually their problems are ‘People issues’ arising out of Gossips, judging others, giving unnecessary advices or cribbing about things around. They end up living in a grey zone & do not have the audacity to turn it around.

THOSE who are purposefully BUSY- actually do not HAVE TIME for Problems or over-thinking. They have that inbuilt GPS mechanism which makes them reach wherever they want to reach via the most economical route (by avoiding overthinking, controversies and people issues).

These guys face the LEAST Problems in the long run.

Summary- Human beings, it seems, are at their best when immersed deeply in something challenging. And this to me is the best way to how to stop overthinking & start becoming awesome.

Unwinding the right way

My work gets me an opportunity to talk to people from all walks of life, and gather unique perspectives on what makes them tick. One could say – I have access to a large sample size of respondents and my secret research has been going on for years 🙂

The kind of life we live has a significant impact on our overthinking abilities. If we want to know how to stop overthinking, we need to know how the people who don’t overthink have managed to do so. If you ask me, it is people who have figured out genuine ways to unwind and frequently break away from the biggest stressors of their lives.

It is people who constantly travel & find ways into nature’s lap, people who find time for their hobbies (and please – drinking, smoking, sleeping, TV are NOT hobbies). Anything that takes us away from our worries or pressures with a lasting impact is a good hobby I would say. Hobbies are supposed to be positive. They should leave us with positive energy and a mind that is ready to think, analyse and process.

A night of drinking, meaningless casual sex with random people, drugs etc. to make us forget our problems or ‘losen up a little’ does not make the problem at hand go away. Rather, the problem comes back with full might next morning but our little ‘hobby’ has not given us the ‘right click refresh’ feeling or equipped our brain to think with more clarity. It has only made us forget the problems for a night, only to be face to face next morning with a hangover along with the original problem, maybe more intense now. Keeping the problem at bay, doesn’t make it go away at all.

So, we need to find ways to unwind genuinely. Get busy. Don’t give yourself time to overthink. Read or write, paint or dance, sing or run, find nature or God. But do things that take you in a positive direction. This will really help you to stop overthinking. Because in the process of unwinding, we often stumble upon what really matters to us. This in turn helps greatly in eliminating the alternative outcomes that we may have been previously worried about or overthinking about.

Being methodical

If going away is not an option and the problem has to be solved within the 4 walls of a cubicle, there is a methodical way of doing it. A simple SWOT analysis. The following steps can be followed if you want to try this approach –

• Write down all your alternatives that you are worried about.
• Cancel out any which you won’t be worried about one year down the line.
• Cancel out any that could lead to an outcome that’s immensely wrong if you look at your moral compass.
• Do a detailed SWOT of the remaining (strengths, weakness, opportunities, threats – you know the drill!). Get all information you can.
• Once you have all the dos and don’ts of all the alternatives available to you, look at the ones that you can control.
• For every alternative, the control you have will vary. Figure out the one where you can have moderate to high control and more positive outcomes. Then choose accordingly.

This is probably also a kind of overthinking but this is controlled, methodical, goal directed overthinking. Not the kind where one keeps worrying to wit’s end running down the wrong tunnels. Bottom-line is – we need to not let the mind run amok with all the overthinking & worrying and allow ourselves to give it direction. And we will see that many of our fears will get eliminated in terms of the options that are ludicrous and not going to happen. Here’s something over-used but still funny about worrying:

Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Only asking questions leads to overthinking. Seeking answers is the answer to ‘how to stop overthinking’.

Accept Being Imperfect

A lot of us overthink because we want to control the outcome, we want to take perfect decisions. But life isn’t as precise, and it most certainly isn’t a maths problem where there is one right answer. We can’t control the audience poll in the grand finale, we can’t predict everything down to the last decimal and we can’t be perfect. Which is why, we need to be okay with being wrong.

So, have the audacity to be bold, if not always right. And have the courage to accept the consequences. That will help you to not obsessively overthink it and to go with the flow.

(Image courtesy: Cheerfully Imperfect)

And to be okay with being imperfect, we need to stop being afraid of failure too. Failure it a relative yardstick. We don’t need to worry about it just now. Trying to get as many decisions right as possible and doing the task at hand is way better than trying to get all decisions right and becoming a sitting duck instead of swimming through.

I have lately realized- ‘I just cannot make everyone happy. They will never be’. This helped me bigtime. I also stopped feeling guilty about a dozen aspects of my life which I cannot control even after having put my hazzar best into them in the last few years. Accepting a few things the way they are helped me reduce my overthinking.

Social Support

That’s right. Whenever you find that you have been obsessively worrying, overthinking and getting stressed about a situation, you need to seek help. Talk to your trusted people, seek advice or simply seek a listening ear or a good catharsis. But try not to isolate and alienate yourself. Often, talking to someone who has seen more sunny days than you have – can open some good doors on your thinking plane.

And if you feel like you can’t go to anyone with your problem, then do read the first point again. Don’t let your overthinking get to you. It could subtly be causing you problems like binge eating, binge watching TV, stress, depression, anxiety and more. These things happen when we are not looking, when we believe we are fine while the truth is that we are slowly and gradually falling into a hole that we won’t be able to pull ourselves out of, without help.

Besides, that’s what friends and family are for 🙂

Do share this with your people who have a tendency to worry, to overthink, to stress out. Tell them- how to stop overthinking and start becoming the best that they can be.

One Life. Rise & Shine!

The 6 Key Secrets To Increasing Empowerment In Your Team

1. Openness To New Ideas. When a work group manager is open and inviting about new ideas and opinions from team members, empowerment was significantly better. Often when employees come forward with new ideas the thing that people often hear from their manager is either, “If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it,” or “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will take that under consideration.” The first response is simply expressing, “we don’t want or value your opinion.” The second is when managers that pretend to care and listen but never do anything with your idea. Both behaviors discourage empowerment. People will sometimes have excellent ideas and other times will have stupid ideas. Either way, taking the time to respectfully listen sends the message that people are valued and respected. Being open and inviting ideas from others will increase empowerment in your team.

2. Developing Others. If your employees never have good ideas, it’s possible that they lack knowledge, skills, expertise or experience. These people need to develop new skills. There is a very strong correlation between the emphasis a team has on development and high empowerment. Developing team members sends a message that employees are valued and the organization is willing to invest in them as people.

3. Supportive And Trusted Manager. The skills of a manager to gain the respect and support of the team members was another critical factor. If employees trusted their manager and felt the manager “had their back” and would support them, employees were more likely to feel empowered. We also found that when managers were effective in two-way communication and willing to make changes, these skills generated greater empowerment. Empowerment requires extra effort and energy from employees. When there is a low level of trust in a team leader, employees resist empowerment.

4. Recognition, Rewards And Encouragement. Those things that are rewarded are repeated. Empowerment requires team members to make some effort and take some risks. Those leaders who recognize and encourage employees when they see extra effort or risk taking get more of that behavior in the future. Leaders who were effective at showing appreciation had higher empowerment scores. Some teams are a recognition desert. I have often asked groups who among them recognize team members too often or show too much appreciation? Most people managers don’t recognize and reward others often enough.

5. Positive Work Environment. When the work environment was positive, where people felt valued and respected, empowerment was higher. When the work environment was full of conflict, where everything was a crisis and there was lots of finger pointing or blaming empowerment was much lower. Most everyone can identify a negative work environment versus a positive environment. Leaders need to bring a positive attitude to work and a desire to create a great working environment.

6. Giving Team Members Authority. When a team member has the authority to make a decision, they feel more empowerment. If they make a decision that gets reversed by their manager, the empowerment dissipates. Leaders need to make sure that employees are skilled and knowledgeable enough to make a good decision before they are given authority. The more control people have over their work and how it is done, the higher their sense of empowerment.

Hit Your Hot Spot

Have you ever shaken hands with someone and their handshake  resembled the very nature of a cold fish? Lifeless. Powerless. Unimpressive. Well the life at the end of that cold fish handshake is probably cold as well.

But I have great news for you. We weren’t born to be cold. We were born to be molten hot. The frozen food section of life is neither yours nor my destiny.

So let me heat you up, defrost you in fact and even bring you to not only the boiling point nor even the melting point – but in fact to your personal ignition point. Your personal flash  will begin by me first lighting the spark within you, and by then igniting your internal dynamite that is set to explode.

Here are 4 ignition points that can take you from a state of coldness, or even lukewarmness and turn you into a blazing fireball that will radiate beyond your immediate sphere to the point that you could find yourself influencing people’s lives to the very reaches of the planet.

Ignition Point 1: Identify Your Hot Button

The trouble with most of us is that we’re so busy living a lukewarm life that we never take time out to really identify what really get us fired up.

It requires concentrated effort to stop and identify what is your hot button. Yes, the thing that really fires you up. The passion. The dream. The talent. The joy. The spark. The blaze.

At one point in my life I set aside three days in the pursuit of that very thing. My life was rolling along – like the rest of my peers – but there was within me a dissatisfaction with the status quo and with the direction that my life was heading at that time – and I was actually experiencing quite a bit of success – but I knew that my current activities were not fully aligned with my deep passions. And unless I took time out from my busy schedule to clearly identify my hot button I was destined for one thing – and that was burnout.

Those three days – although I have traveled down many diverse paths since then – have been the defining days that have continued to draw me pack to my passion, my purpose, the reason I breathe, my destiny and of course my hot button.

Right now in my life I feel that I’m sizzling because I’m once again being true to myself and true to the original vision that I had birthed within my life during those three days.

Ignition Point 2: Identify Your Cold Button

I have tried many things throughout my life. And no – not every moment has been a moment of defining success. Many valleys have been passed through to reach the mountain tops. But those valleys have confirmed to me time and time again that my success is just as much about identifying my cold buttons as it is to pressing my hot buttons.

No human being can be good at everything. Yes I’m sad to inform you – but you and I have weaknesses. There are many things that we can’t do. In fact, there are probably more things that you can’t do than you can do. So why waste a moment pursuing the things you can’t do. Rather concentrate on doing the things that you can do well.

But first you have to identify them.

So how do you identify your cold buttons? By having a go and failing.

That’s why I have never been afraid to try new things. And I have never been afraid to encourage my children to attempt new ventures.

And if we fail – we respond with the one successful question. What did I learn from my failure experience? That way failure has just become part of your academic staff that has guided you towards success.

Ignition Point 3: Delegate Your Cold Button

So once you’ve identified your cold button, what do you do with it?

This is where you need to surround yourself with a team of people where your cold buttons are actually their hot button. They love doing that stuff that you are not good at – and they do it with a spirit of excellence.

So while you’re off pushing your hot button and reaping the rewards associated with being someone who keeps turning up the heat in that area – your team members are pushing your cold buttons – because they are still necessary for your overall success – but man they’re hot. They are strong in those areas. They are competent in those areas. And by pressing their hot button – that is in alignment with you and supportive of you – they actually make you look darn hot.

Ignition Point 4: Turn Up The Heat On Your Hot Button

The one thing about a hot button is this: If you don’t keep applying heat to your hot button it could end up being transformed into a frozen button.

So yes, it’s time to jump out of the frying pan and straight into the fire.

None of us have ever arrived – so we’re going to have to continue to put pressure on our hot button, maybe even go to hot button school for some more tuition, or even find mentors who are even hotter than us and add their heat to our heat so as to achieve even more increased heat along the way. For this is the vital importance of ongoing education and learning.

Until the day you and I leave this earth we should never stop being the student. We must humbly sit at the feet of the masters – both alive and dead – and learn, for there is always more to learn.

So have you discovered your hot button yet? If not, make this year your year of the hot button. Don’t accept mediocrity as your lot in life. You were born to burn. So draw aside and set yourself on fire – internally – by identifying and then turning up the heat on your hot button.

Perfecting The Art Of Failure: Harnessing Its Unlimited Potential

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For many people, the idea of failure is simple not on the agenda. Not doing something the right way, failing to get something right, all of these things? Not something they can even comprehend. It’s the worst thing in the world to fail for some people – it makes them worse people.

It proves they aren’t invincible, that they simply aren’t good enough to do things anymore. When this kind of mentality forms, though, changing and progressing as a person soon becomes pretty impossible.

When you cannot control your life and the things that you are inevitably going to fail at, you need to realize that this isn’t some massive problem on your part. Everyone fails at something; the most important thing that you can do, though, is learn how to fail and actually make it count.

Failure Isn’t The End

Failure isn’t the end; it’s merely the beginning of the next attempt. Failure does not leave as the only person without an option – it leaves you with a fresh new option. You try again; you do it all over from start to finish. Whatever the problem was along the way? You’ll find the solution next time, or the time after.

The most important thing about failing is;

• Accepting that it will happen – nobody is Midas, and everyone will fail at something at one stage in their lives.
• That it will happen to you often, and that you need to get used to being analytical about failure.

Finding out the reason why is far more important for your development as a person, a professional and a human being than it is to simply just accept it was bad luck or a twist of fate

Failure occurs because we don’t know what we are doing and, more importantly, we don’t know how to learn from the mistakes we have made to fail in the first place. It’s vital to learn from your failures, and this is known as the Art of Failing.

Failing in a way that allows you to become a better person, more successful or more experienced, is far better for the character than only just succeeding, and never really improving or looking at how to genuinely improve at whatever it is that you do.

Harness The Power Of Failure

To get to this stage in life, though, you need to be prepared to harness the power of failure. Doing so takes a lot of hard work and determination on your part, and will typically require to you to think about the following;

• How do you fail? Is it through a lack of preparation? Not enough knowledge? Not enough time? Find out what seems to be the common denominators in all of your failures and find out the reason why this keeps occurring to you.
• What makes you do this in the first place? Look at the kind of mindset you have when failure occurs; Did you get too nervous? Were you following poor advice? Was it just what you thought was the best thing to do?

Look at these kinds of situations and these kinds of thoughts, and you will start to find that getting the solution that you require will no longer be the Everest that it had once seemed. When you break it all down, and you see what you were failing at in the first place,